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May 17, 2007

Public Speaking - How to Beat the Epidemic
of Not Enough

Danger!

There’s an epidemic infecting the majority of the population of America. Maybe the world.

No, I’m not talking about avian flu, or malaria or hyperopia.
I’m talking about the Epidemic of Not Enough.

The symptoms to watch for are:
  1. a tendency to always think or feel that you are in some way not enough, that you are lacking some quality, skill, talent or characteristic.

  2. the thought that others may be able to be, have or do what they want, but you don’t get to.

  3. the feeling that you always need more of “something” (more money, more time, more training, more experience) before you can take action or succeed.

  4. feeling stuck, like you can’t move ahead or follow an impulse because you either talk yourself out of it, postpone it or doubt your ability to create a satisfactory result.
If you recognize any of these symptoms, don’t call your doctor. Chances are he’s got the same disease and won’t have a clue as to how to cure you.

In my work with clients, when someone is feeling nervous, anxious, scared or stuck about expressing themselves in public, it is almost always associated with what Kim George calls, The Illusion of Not Enough. (Kim is the author of “Coaching Into Greatness,” an amazing book that I am eating up right now.) This is when you start feeling extremely nervous and scared because you hold some belief or thought that you’re simply not up to the task of speaking or performing in public.

You tell yourself you’re not smart enough. Not polished enough. Not interesting enough, not attractive enough, not articulate enough.  Or, that you don’t have enough of something. For instance, you can’t do it until you more training, more time, more practice, more experience, a better outfit, the right atmosphere.

Stop and think about it. Is this sounding at all familiar to you? Can you identify the ways you may be the victim of Not Enough?

The tragedy of this Illusion of Not Enough is two-fold. One, it keeps you small, silent, scared and frozen in place. It prevents you from moving towards what you want and what you deserve.

But the even bigger tragedy is that it’s all a lot of hooey! It just isn’t true. It is, in fact, an Illusion. You ARE enough. Who says otherwise? As Kim George says, “Who’s holding the measuring tape?” And against what standard of measurement are they holding it?

Continue reading "Public Speaking - How to Beat the Epidemic
of Not Enough" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 07:24 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

March 10, 2007

You've Already Got What It Takes, Or
Why Public Speaking Experts Should Shut Up And Sit Down!

I couldn’t stop squirming in my seat.

Every word out of his mouth made me fidget with frustration. It was all I could do to not shout out loud, “Please shut up and sit down!”

I was at a conference listening to a very experienced public speaker talk about how to speak in public. And, like most “speaking experts,” he was spelling out all the do’s and don’t’s of public speaking. Outlining the right ways and the wrong ways, the good ways and even better ways to get your point across and wow your audience.

He even told us what colors to wear. How to stand. How to move. He told us to be sure to amp up our energy, get the crowd to say “Yes!,” and be responsible for the energy of the room.

Aaarrrggh!

Okay, I fully understand that this expert, like most speaking experts, are very well-intentioned. They really want to help you be effective and do your best. But this rules-of-the-road approach to public speaking is what contributes mightily to the fear, doubt, self-consciousness and feeling of “not-enoughness” that many people feel when it comes to speaking in public. It chokes people’s own, true, unique, wild voice, their own natural way of expressing themselves.

You already have everything you need to be an effective, charismatic speaker. You do. You don’t need to adopt certain tricks or mannerisms. Nor do you need to speak with an artificially amped-up enthusiasm or energized voice. You do not need to move in this way or that. Or use props or powerpoint. All of these suggestions, though well-meaning, keep us struck in the illusion that we need to be other than who we are right now, in this moment, in order to speak well in public.

Yes, it’s always good to learn from people with experience. But not at the expense of losing touch with the truth that we have, right now, to inherent ability to express ourselves fully, effectively, creatively and fearlessly.

You already have it all. Everything you need to speak in public. For instance:

Continue reading "You've Already Got What It Takes, Or
Why Public Speaking Experts Should Shut Up And Sit Down!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 12:11 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

January 20, 2007

The Summary & Appendix to
The Diva's 7 Secrets!

This concludes the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." A quick Summary, and a new definition.

In Summary

So, there you go! The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing in Public With Confidence, Ease and Your Own Kind of Creative Charisma.

How do they feel to you? Do you feel you’re ready to start integrating these Secrets into your expressive life? Can you feel how they could transform your communication and public self-expression?

If you’re ready to go for it, I suggest you start by focusing on one or two of the Secrets that really resonate with you now. Let yourself play with them in your daily life. All of these Secrets apply to all aspects of your life, not just when you’re speaking or performing for an audience. Then, play with a few more of the Secrets. You’ll discover the ones that are perfect for you.
 
These Secrets are explored and integrated in the advanced Unconditional Confidence® trainings, so if you want some coaching around these Secrets, please feel free to contact me through this blog or website. I offer several teleclasses, teleclinics and individual coaching programs that will allow you to fully integrate and expand upon these Diva Secrets.

Now, I promised to share with you my new definition of the word, Diva. 

A Diva is anyone who is connected to their own divine, creative source and true spirit AND is able to freely express themselves from that state of connection, in their life, work or art.

That’s my new definition. How do you like it? I know, it’s a bit nebulous. It’s a work in progress. As you will read in the Appendix below, I tried to use the best of the original definition yet make “Divahood” available to everyone. Because everyone has the ability to connect with one’s divine, creative self, one’s true self, and express oneself from that place of connection. Don’t you think?

Continue reading "The Summary & Appendix to
The Diva's 7 Secrets!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 01:47 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

January 19, 2007

Secret #7
You Gotta Have Fun!

This is the last Secret from the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." There will be a summary, though.
____________

Secret #7
You Gotta Have Fun!

I have a friend who always says, “Fun comes first!”

When it comes to speaking, performing or expressing yourself in any way, let your sense of fun lead the way. Let your priority be to create an experience that is fun for you. Be very selfish about this.

How can you have the most fun ever while you are presenting or performing? How can you create that for yourself?

Sometimes when I present this Secret to adults they just don’t get it. “What’s the point of having fun? Who cares about that? I need to make this sale, close this deal.” Or they say, “Fun? How can I have fun speaking in public? I just want it to be over fast!”

Let me help you out with this a little.

When you connect to what is fun and enjoyable and playful for you, you are connecting to your creativity, your aliveness AND your natural confidence in who you are. When you allow yourself to play and have fun, there is an energy that surges through you to carry you to where you want to go.

And when you allow yourself to have fun, your audience will find you irresistible. Even if they can’t understand a word you are saying, they will be drawn towards your energy.

Now, some of you may be saying, “But I’m talking about serious things here. I can’t be having fun!”  That’s just not true. You don’t have to be silly and irreverent to have fun. It’s all about enjoying yourself to the maximum and allowing your playful, creative energy to be present no matter what you are talking about.

Continue reading "Secret #7
You Gotta Have Fun!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 01:38 AM | | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

January 18, 2007

Secret #6
Allow Your Audience to Be Who They Are

Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." One more Secret to go after this one!
__________
Secret #6
Allow Your Audience to Be Who They Are

Doesn’t it feel great to know that you have full permission to just be who you are when you’re speaking or performing? Well, it will feel even better when you give your audience full permission to just be who they are, too.

This means that if your audience is bored, tired, or disinterested, that’s okay with you! If they are crazy with enthusiasm, well, all right! That’s okay, too.

You don’t have to control your audience. You don’t have to take care of them. Unless you’re performing for a group of infants, chances are they can all take care of themselves. Allow your audience to be as they are. They may very well be tired. That’s okay. They may want to be somewhere else. That’s okay, too. Don’t take it personally. They are just being who they are in that moment.

I have a friend who is wonderful professor of psychology at a college. She loves teaching. She loves interacting with her students during class and they love her as well. Recently she told me that she can be having a great time presenting something to her students, but if there is one student in back who is falling asleep, she feels compelled to grab his attention and make him to join the party.

“Why?” I asked her. “Why are you focusing so much energy and attention on the ONE student who could care less when you have a whole room full of students who are hungry to hear what you have to say? Stay where the party is. Let that student sleep it off. Leave him be and stay connected with those students who are available to connect with you.”

I would tell you the same thing. If half of your audience seems to be falling asleep, stay available and receptive to the half that is paying attention. Allow yourself to be with those who are available for connection rather than wasting your attention on those who would rather be someplace else.

Continue reading "Secret #6
Allow Your Audience to Be Who They Are" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 01:20 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

January 10, 2007

Secret #5:
Connection Comes Before Content

Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I am posting these Secrets one by one every week. Until I run out.

_________

Secret #5
Connection Comes Before Content

Have you ever talked with someone and immediately felt a connection? “Wow, we really connected,” you say to yourself. It’s as if something clicked in and opened up and there was an exchange of energy that went beyond the words spoken. You feel it, and if feels great.

When you are speaking with an audience or performing, you can create this same kind of magical, palpable connection. All you have to do is listen out loud.

This is not a technique or trick. What I call “listening out loud” is a state of being in which you are simply present, resting inside your own skin, and allowing yourself to be completely available, receptive and responsive to the presence and energy of your audience. It’s as if you are listening to your audience even though you happen to be the one doing all the talking.

Now, you’ve probably always thought that in order to be a great speaker or performer you have to go out there and give your audience all you’ve got with passion, enthusiasm and excellence. But in a way, the opposite is true.

Continue reading "Secret #5:
Connection Comes Before Content" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 04:57 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

January 03, 2007

Secret #4
You Can't Make a Mistake
Because There Is No Such Thing!

Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I am posting these Secrets one by one over every week.
_________________

Secret #4
You Can't Make A Mistake

Oh, we’re so afraid of making a mistake! Especially publicly.

You were taught to fear mistakes at a very early age. You learned that if you made a mistake, you could be punished, either by your parents, your school or your society. If you did anything that was displeasing or judged as inappropriate by the adults around you, you were admonished, sometimes ever humiliated in front of others. You figured out that there must be appropriate ways to behave and that if you “misbehaved,” you were “bad” and subject to rejection, isolation and pain.

Now, that can really screw up a person’s sense of self-confidence in their own self-expression, don’t you think?

Even now, as adults, our fear of mistakes cripples so much of our potential creativity and confident self-expression. We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, of forgetting what we mean to say, of doing something “wrong.”  Huge chunks of our creative, expressive selves have been strangled because we long ago decided these parts of who we are might not meet the approval of others.

A day doesn’t go by without someone telling me a horror story about how they were humiliated or made to feel “wrong” or unworthy by either a teacher or some authority figure. These humiliations and the habits we’ve formed around them continue to haunt us. In an attempt to stay safe, we’ve stopped owning and expressing our true voice. We’ve allowed ourselves to become silent and small.

But here’s the good news.

When it comes to self-expression, there are no mistakes. There are only spontaneous, unplanned opportunities for connection.

Keep reading...

Continue reading "Secret #4
You Can't Make a Mistake
Because There Is No Such Thing!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 09:49 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

December 11, 2006

Diva Secret #3
Be Yourself

I recently wrote a Special Report that I'd like to share with you. It's called "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I'll be posting these Secrets one by one over the next few weeks. Enjoy!

__________________

Secret #3:
Be Yourself

Tell me the truth. Can you just be yourself when you’re speaking or performing?

Can you just show up and be who you are without feeling that you should be someone who is more articulate, more talented, more experienced, more dynamic, more interesting, more funny, more SOMETHING?

The reason I’m asking is that most people feel that if they are going to stand up and speak in front of an audience, they need to be MORE than who they are. They need to be like that electrifying, laugh-a-minute speaker they saw last week. Or they need to be an extraordinary, super-duper, high-gloss version of themselves.

Well, that’s nuts.

You get to just be who you are. As you are. Not some better-than-ever version of who you are, but who you are right now. In this moment.

You get to talk the way you talk everyday to your friends and colleagues. Really. Just talk to your audience as if you were talking to a friend over a cup of coffee. Be present and available and just talk like you talk. Not only will you feel natural and at ease but your audience will, too. They will find it easy to connect and engage with you because you are just being you. In fact, all your audience really wants is to be with someone who is real, authentic, and genuine.

Sometimes, when I tell people they can just be who they are, I get this objection. “But I can’t be myself! No one would want to listen to me. Who I am is a very shy, quiet person!” Listen, what choice do you have? You are who you are. So, if you’re shy, then be shy and speak from that shyness. It’s okay. You don’t have to be explosive, aggressive and loud. You don’t have to be any certain way. Just be real. Be who you are.

Secondly, if you try to pretend to be someone you’re not, it’s not going to work. You will be so busy trying to pull of a charade that you are going to feel even more panicked and nervous. Besides, people can smell a fraud and a fake from a mile away. And as soon as they get a whiff, they retract, get suspicious and choose not to pay attention.

Continue reading "Diva Secret #3
Be Yourself" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 02:06 AM | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

November 23, 2006

Diva Secret #2
Focus On The Fabulous!

I recently wrote a Special Report that I'd like to share with you.
It's called "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I'll be posting these Secrets one by one over the next few weeks. Enjoy!


___________
Secret #2
Focus on the Fabulous

What are you thinking about right now?

Whatever it is, it’s effecting your experience and creating your future.

According to the Law of Attraction, whatever you think about, give your attention to and focus upon is what is created, or attracted into, your life. There is an energy and vibration in your thoughts, and that energy attracts more of the same. In other words, whatever you feed with your thought and energy, grows and expands into your experience.

So, what are you thinking about when you’re about to speak in public or perform onstage?

If you’re like most of my clients, you’re worrying about all the things that can go wrong. “What if I mess up? What if my body shakes uncontrollably? What if I forget what I’m saying? What if I trip? What if…”

Stop it!

This kind of thinking is not helping you. It’s only scaring you and making you feel more anxious. And, this kind of thinking is feeding what you don’t want.

When you catch your mind spinning with all the disasters that may befall you, just stop and choose to start thinking about what you DO want. “I want to feel relaxed and at ease. I want everything to go smoothly. I want to make a great connection with my audience. I want to express myself freely. I want to tell people what I know. I want to really enjoy this opportunity.”

By thinking about what you do want, you get your mind working for you rather than against you and you start attracting those things you want into your experience.

Continue reading "Diva Secret #2
Focus On The Fabulous!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 12:33 AM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

November 15, 2006

Diva Secret #1
You Can't Care What Anyone Else Thinks

I recently wrote a Special Report that I'd like to share with you.
It's called "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I'll be posting these Secrets one by one over the next few weeks. Enjoy!

___________
What Are the Diva Secrets?

Several years ago I was singing in a small nightclub in San Francisco called Piaf’s. The host of the evening , Wayne, would introduce me to audience as “The Diva of the North Bay.” This title would make me cringe.

The title of “Diva” didn’t sit well with me because the word had come to mean “a narcissitic, self-absorbed, conceited whiner with more attitude than talent.” But I also knew that the original term was given to true Divas, singers who’s ability to be so connected to the divine, to something larger than themselves, that they sang with the ease, power and beauty of the heavens.

In order to find peace with my new title, I had to redefine the word “Diva.” And in doing so, I realized that a true Diva has valuable secrets to share, secrets about how to be powerfully present, completely confident, connected and charismatic when presenting, speaking or performing.  These are the Secrets I’m about to share with you. The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing in Public With Confidence, Ease and Your Own Kind of Creative Charisma.

You will find these Secrets exciting but challenging because they ask you to change the way you think about yourself, your value and your relationship to speaking or performing in public. They may rub up against some old concepts and beliefs you have about what it means to express yourself in public. This is good.

Because if you are reading this, chances are that you want a change, yes? A change that allows you to feel completely confident, authentic and free in your self-expression? A change that allows you to break free of all the fear and anxiety and self-sabotage that has been keeping you from the joy of expressing yourself fully and fearlessly?

Well then, let’s get to it!

As for my new definition of the word Diva, I will share it with you in the Appendix of this report. It can wait because I know you’re anxious to dig in to these Secrets right now. Just read through them and imagine how it would feel to fully integrate these Secrets into your life and your self-expression. If it feels good, go for it!

Continue reading "Diva Secret #1
You Can't Care What Anyone Else Thinks" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 05:44 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

October 06, 2006

When You're Feeling Nervous
Let It Move!

The time is getting close.

Any minute now, someone will introduce you. You will make your way to the front of the room and speak to a group of people who are anticipating your every word. As you wait for your time to come, your hands start to sweat. Your stomach churns. Your heart pounds fast and hard.

Hey, it’s okay! It’s just your nervous system doing its thing.

I know. You hate those physical sensations of nervousness. You want nothing more than to make them all go away. It’s what you dread the most whenever you speak or perform in public. Those pesky, physical manifestations of nervous energy. If only you could get rid of them.

Listen, the problem is not that your heart is pounding or your stomach is clenching or your knees are knocking. The problem is that you think these physical expressions of energy are a problem. They’re not the problem. They are just energy moving.

The problem is that you resist these sensations of energy. You contract around them, wanting them to go away and leave you alone. You think to yourself, “Oh, no! I don’t want to feel THIS! This feels out of control. I hate it that my heart is pounding. What if everyone sees my whole face trembling? Am I blushing? I’m sure I must be beet red by now…” and on and on.

Now you are not only feeling nervous about your presentation but you’re frightened by what you are feeling inside your own skin.

If only you could have a shot of whiskey, you’re sure you’d feel better. But there is no whiskey and it’s only 9:30 in the morning, so you try breathing deeply in an effort to calm and control these sensations, but this only makes you more nervous and tense. In trying to control these physical symptoms, you’ve only made them more aggressive and persistant.

What to do? How can you allow these sensations to assist you rather than make you feel crazy and out of control?

The first thing is to realize that it’s just energy. It’s just sensation.

Oh, sure, you can call it “nervousness” or “anxiety” or “terror” even, but actually, it’s just energy moving in your body in such a way that you feel physical sensation. Can you let yourself be with these sensations without making them bad or unwanted?

It’s okay that your heart is beating. Hearts do that, hopefully. Let your stomach turn somersaults. It’s not terminal. It’s just energy moving through. Let it move through!

Let’s walk through the following four steps to allowing these physical waves of energy to assist you rather than freak you out.

Continue reading "When You're Feeling Nervous
Let It Move!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 12:12 AM | | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

July 22, 2006

Part III: Did You Make the Connection?

Time for a pop quiz!


You remember those, don’t you?

When your teacher would surprise you with a quiz that you were in no way prepared for? If you had any control-freak, perfectionist qualities, you dreaded those pop quizzes!

Well, in honor of the upcoming  teleclass, “The 20-Second Connection: How to Create Conversation, Curiosity and Connection Every Time You Answer the Question, “What Do YOU Do?” I’ve got a pop quiz for you. Don’t groan!  It’s for your own good!

If you’ve been paying attention in class, you know that we’ve been talking about how to create conversation, curiosity and connection any time you answer the question, “What do YOU do?” And if you’ve been following along with rapt attention, you might have tried creating an answer to that question that does, in fact, grab people’s interest and communicates the essence of what you provide.

Well, let’s just see!

Write down what you usually say when someone asks you the question, “What do you do?”

Now, ask yourself these questions as you consider your answer:

Continue reading "Part III: Did You Make the Connection?" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 10:50 PM | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

July 19, 2006

Part II: The 20-Second Connection
What Do You Say?

Remember last month’s post about how to answer the question, “What do you do?”

What, you don’t remember!

Well, rather focusing on WHAT to say, I wrote about HOW to say it.

But today, let’s talk about how to script your answer. Usually, I'm not a big fan of creating scripted answers, but this is one time when it can be incredibly valuable. Creating your perfect answer to the question, "What do YOU do?" will increase your level of confidence when you're in a networking situation, AND this answer comes in handy in so many different situations, not just when you’re in conversation with someone.

You can use the essence of your answer in all your marketing materials from your website to your business card to your email signature and beyond!

So, let’s jump in.

Here is a step-by-step outline for creating the core of your 20-Second Connection message.

Continue reading "Part II: The 20-Second Connection
What Do You Say?" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 09:26 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

June 09, 2006

The 20-Second Connection:
It's Not WHAT You Say
It's HOW You Say It

“Why does that happen to me? I don’t get it?"

My friend Trisha. She just got back from a dinner party.

“It’s the weirdest thing,” she continues, “Someone will ask me, “What do you do?” and it’s as if they just asked me to strip naked and do a dance. I feel this mild panic, and as I try to tell them about my coaching practice, the words kind of stumble out of my mouth, but they sound stupid and empty. I end up feeling small and embarrassed. And so disappointed in myself.”

Trisha is not alone. I know so many solo entrepreneurs who feel the same way. Even the most confident of the pack can feel cut off at the knees whenever they answer that notorious question: What do YOU do?

The truth is that when someone asks you that question, you’ve got about 20 seconds to answer, spark their curiosity, initiate a conversation and create a connection. In 20 seconds, you need to be immediately interesting and captivating while communicating the huge scope of what you have to offer. No wonder we feel pressured and on the spot!

How can you answer that question so that whoever is listening feels compelled to ask for more information? Can you say something that will never fail to initiate a lively conversation?

How can you create a real connection with someone in just 20 seconds?

Continue reading "The 20-Second Connection:
It's Not WHAT You Say
It's HOW You Say It" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 10:51 PM | | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

August 11, 2005

The Myth of Mistakes

“Do not fear mistakes. There are none.”
 —Miles Davis

Mistakes are like the boogy-man. They are a myth. They exist only because we’re afraid of them.

When people talk to me about their nervousness when speaking or performing, one of their biggest fears is that they will make a mistake. They are afraid of doing something wrong, messing up, forgetting what to say and making a fool of themselves. Can you relate to this? Is this a fear of yours? If so, let me put you at ease.

There are no mistakes. What we call a “mistake” is just something we didn’t plan, didn’t prepare, and perhaps didn’t prefer to have happen. It’s not what we had in mind for some reason or other. So what!
Okay, if you’re auditioning for something, or if you have an oral exam of some kind, I can understand why you would be ultra-concerned with not messing up. But in the real world, no one cares if you forget your words or lose your train of thought. No one cares if you make a “mistake.” Really, they don’t.

The only time an audience cares about such nonsense is when they feel that YOU are uncomfortable with what’s happening. If you start feeling flustered and distracted by something unexpected, whether it’s something you said or some other surprise, then your audience will feel that, too.

Continue reading "The Myth of Mistakes" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 12:59 AM | | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)