Performing, like speaking in public, can at times be an outrageous act of courage.
Especially if you are a singer who has lost her voice.

My friend, who shall remain nameless, called me yesterday. It was the first night of her two-week run at a very well-known cabaret room in San Francisco. And she was so sick that she had almost completely lost her voice.

"I don't know if I can sing. Everytime I take a breath I start coughing," she said in a rough, raggedy voice. "And I have press coming tonight. If I could, I'd just call the whole thing off."

It's scary. When you are a singer and you're sick and you need to perform, it just feels awful because you know there is no way you can do your best. There is no way that you cannot be super-conscious and cautious about what kind of sounds might come out of your mouth, or if any sound at all will come out of your mouth.

But, as they say, the show must go on.

So, I'll tell you what I told her. When you can't be at your super-shiny best, when you're instrument is less than ideal, when you are working with obstacles over which you have no control, REMEMBER, your connection with your audience must be your primary focus.

See, what often happens with singers in particular is that they get so obsessed and self-absorbed in trying to sing well that they cut off from their audience. Especially when they aren't in great vocal shape. They are mentally fussing with their voices so their energy and attention is on technique and getting through the next phrase without coughing.

But here's the deal. Your audience doesn't care if you take a breath and start coughing. They understand that singers get sick. They don't care if that note didn't soar out with perfect intonation and pitch. They will forgive all that IF you don't leave them.

So, don't leave them. No matter what happens, be with your audience. Sing to your audience. Let your availability and vulnerability be right there for them. Don't hide. Be real with them and they will love it, whether you're spot on or not.

I remember seeing Rita Moreno perform several years ago, and she was sick. No, her voice wasn't as strong or as clear as it usually is, and at one point she had to turn from the mic to cough, but she was right there with us. She didn't hold back on her presence and energy. And it was a fabulous show.

When your voice leaves you, when your speech isn't perfect, when something goes wrong with the equipment, none of that matters IF you can stay with your audience through it all. When you hit the stage and you know you're not at your best, let it go. Decide that your connection with your audience will be your primary goal and focus, and you will do just fine.

P.S. My friend did do just fine. She even sang pretty well, and the reviews are going to be great. I just know it.

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 01:18 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

This concludes the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." A quick Summary, and a new definition.

In Summary

So, there you go! The Diva’s 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing in Public With Confidence, Ease and Your Own Kind of Creative Charisma.

How do they feel to you? Do you feel you’re ready to start integrating these Secrets into your expressive life? Can you feel how they could transform your communication and public self-expression?

If you’re ready to go for it, I suggest you start by focusing on one or two of the Secrets that really resonate with you now. Let yourself play with them in your daily life. All of these Secrets apply to all aspects of your life, not just when you’re speaking or performing for an audience. Then, play with a few more of the Secrets. You’ll discover the ones that are perfect for you.
 
These Secrets are explored and integrated in the advanced Unconditional Confidence® trainings, so if you want some coaching around these Secrets, please feel free to contact me through this blog or website. I offer several teleclasses, teleclinics and individual coaching programs that will allow you to fully integrate and expand upon these Diva Secrets.

Now, I promised to share with you my new definition of the word, Diva. 

A Diva is anyone who is connected to their own divine, creative source and true spirit AND is able to freely express themselves from that state of connection, in their life, work or art.

That’s my new definition. How do you like it? I know, it’s a bit nebulous. It’s a work in progress. As you will read in the Appendix below, I tried to use the best of the original definition yet make “Divahood” available to everyone. Because everyone has the ability to connect with one’s divine, creative self, one’s true self, and express oneself from that place of connection. Don’t you think?

Continue reading "The Summary & Appendix to
The Diva's 7 Secrets!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 01:47 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

This is the last Secret from the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." There will be a summary, though.
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Secret #7
You Gotta Have Fun!

I have a friend who always says, “Fun comes first!”

When it comes to speaking, performing or expressing yourself in any way, let your sense of fun lead the way. Let your priority be to create an experience that is fun for you. Be very selfish about this.

How can you have the most fun ever while you are presenting or performing? How can you create that for yourself?

Sometimes when I present this Secret to adults they just don’t get it. “What’s the point of having fun? Who cares about that? I need to make this sale, close this deal.” Or they say, “Fun? How can I have fun speaking in public? I just want it to be over fast!”

Let me help you out with this a little.

When you connect to what is fun and enjoyable and playful for you, you are connecting to your creativity, your aliveness AND your natural confidence in who you are. When you allow yourself to play and have fun, there is an energy that surges through you to carry you to where you want to go.

And when you allow yourself to have fun, your audience will find you irresistible. Even if they can’t understand a word you are saying, they will be drawn towards your energy.

Now, some of you may be saying, “But I’m talking about serious things here. I can’t be having fun!”  That’s just not true. You don’t have to be silly and irreverent to have fun. It’s all about enjoying yourself to the maximum and allowing your playful, creative energy to be present no matter what you are talking about.

Continue reading "Secret #7
You Gotta Have Fun!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 01:38 AM | Permalink | Comments (4) | TrackBacks (0)

Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." One more Secret to go after this one!
__________
Secret #6
Allow Your Audience to Be Who They Are

Doesn’t it feel great to know that you have full permission to just be who you are when you’re speaking or performing? Well, it will feel even better when you give your audience full permission to just be who they are, too.

This means that if your audience is bored, tired, or disinterested, that’s okay with you! If they are crazy with enthusiasm, well, all right! That’s okay, too.

You don’t have to control your audience. You don’t have to take care of them. Unless you’re performing for a group of infants, chances are they can all take care of themselves. Allow your audience to be as they are. They may very well be tired. That’s okay. They may want to be somewhere else. That’s okay, too. Don’t take it personally. They are just being who they are in that moment.

I have a friend who is wonderful professor of psychology at a college. She loves teaching. She loves interacting with her students during class and they love her as well. Recently she told me that she can be having a great time presenting something to her students, but if there is one student in back who is falling asleep, she feels compelled to grab his attention and make him to join the party.

“Why?” I asked her. “Why are you focusing so much energy and attention on the ONE student who could care less when you have a whole room full of students who are hungry to hear what you have to say? Stay where the party is. Let that student sleep it off. Leave him be and stay connected with those students who are available to connect with you.”

I would tell you the same thing. If half of your audience seems to be falling asleep, stay available and receptive to the half that is paying attention. Allow yourself to be with those who are available for connection rather than wasting your attention on those who would rather be someplace else.

Continue reading "Secret #6
Allow Your Audience to Be Who They Are" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 01:20 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I am posting these Secrets one by one every week. Until I run out.

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Secret #5
Connection Comes Before Content

Have you ever talked with someone and immediately felt a connection? “Wow, we really connected,” you say to yourself. It’s as if something clicked in and opened up and there was an exchange of energy that went beyond the words spoken. You feel it, and if feels great.

When you are speaking with an audience or performing, you can create this same kind of magical, palpable connection. All you have to do is listen out loud.

This is not a technique or trick. What I call “listening out loud” is a state of being in which you are simply present, resting inside your own skin, and allowing yourself to be completely available, receptive and responsive to the presence and energy of your audience. It’s as if you are listening to your audience even though you happen to be the one doing all the talking.

Now, you’ve probably always thought that in order to be a great speaker or performer you have to go out there and give your audience all you’ve got with passion, enthusiasm and excellence. But in a way, the opposite is true.

Continue reading "Secret #5:
Connection Comes Before Content" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 04:57 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

Thus continues the Special Report, "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I am posting these Secrets one by one over every week.
_________________

Secret #4
You Can't Make A Mistake

Oh, we’re so afraid of making a mistake! Especially publicly.

You were taught to fear mistakes at a very early age. You learned that if you made a mistake, you could be punished, either by your parents, your school or your society. If you did anything that was displeasing or judged as inappropriate by the adults around you, you were admonished, sometimes ever humiliated in front of others. You figured out that there must be appropriate ways to behave and that if you “misbehaved,” you were “bad” and subject to rejection, isolation and pain.

Now, that can really screw up a person’s sense of self-confidence in their own self-expression, don’t you think?

Even now, as adults, our fear of mistakes cripples so much of our potential creativity and confident self-expression. We’re afraid of saying the wrong thing, of forgetting what we mean to say, of doing something “wrong.”  Huge chunks of our creative, expressive selves have been strangled because we long ago decided these parts of who we are might not meet the approval of others.

A day doesn’t go by without someone telling me a horror story about how they were humiliated or made to feel “wrong” or unworthy by either a teacher or some authority figure. These humiliations and the habits we’ve formed around them continue to haunt us. In an attempt to stay safe, we’ve stopped owning and expressing our true voice. We’ve allowed ourselves to become silent and small.

But here’s the good news.

When it comes to self-expression, there are no mistakes. There are only spontaneous, unplanned opportunities for connection.

Keep reading...

Continue reading "Secret #4
You Can't Make a Mistake
Because There Is No Such Thing!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 09:49 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

I recently wrote a Special Report that I'd like to share with you. It's called "The Diva's 7 Secrets to Speaking or Performing With Confidence, Ease and Charisma." I'll be posting these Secrets one by one over the next few weeks. Enjoy!

__________________

Secret #3:
Be Yourself

Tell me the truth. Can you just be yourself when you’re speaking or performing?

Can you just show up and be who you are without feeling that you should be someone who is more articulate, more talented, more experienced, more dynamic, more interesting, more funny, more SOMETHING?

The reason I’m asking is that most people feel that if they are going to stand up and speak in front of an audience, they need to be MORE than who they are. They need to be like that electrifying, laugh-a-minute speaker they saw last week. Or they need to be an extraordinary, super-duper, high-gloss version of themselves.

Well, that’s nuts.

You get to just be who you are. As you are. Not some better-than-ever version of who you are, but who you are right now. In this moment.

You get to talk the way you talk everyday to your friends and colleagues. Really. Just talk to your audience as if you were talking to a friend over a cup of coffee. Be present and available and just talk like you talk. Not only will you feel natural and at ease but your audience will, too. They will find it easy to connect and engage with you because you are just being you. In fact, all your audience really wants is to be with someone who is real, authentic, and genuine.

Sometimes, when I tell people they can just be who they are, I get this objection. “But I can’t be myself! No one would want to listen to me. Who I am is a very shy, quiet person!” Listen, what choice do you have? You are who you are. So, if you’re shy, then be shy and speak from that shyness. It’s okay. You don’t have to be explosive, aggressive and loud. You don’t have to be any certain way. Just be real. Be who you are.

Secondly, if you try to pretend to be someone you’re not, it’s not going to work. You will be so busy trying to pull of a charade that you are going to feel even more panicked and nervous. Besides, people can smell a fraud and a fake from a mile away. And as soon as they get a whiff, they retract, get suspicious and choose not to pay attention.

Continue reading "Diva Secret #3
Be Yourself" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 02:06 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Just when I was about to give up hope, a Rose appeared to remind me of who I really am.

That Rose is Lynn Rose, a powerhouse singer, speaker, teacher and all around amazing woman.

I met Lynn a couple of years ago at Mark Victor Hansen’s Mega Speaking Event in Los Angeles where she had the challenging job of singing before this huge crowd of expert speakers and speaker wannabes. She warmed up the audience with her blow-‘em–away performances so that everyone was ready to rumble by the time Mark hit the stage. I don’t think anyone could have done it better. Her voice and her presence were so huge, so enlivening that the crowd went wild every time she appeared.

Well, last night, I had the good fortune to receive another hit of Lynn’s energy and passion. She was interviewed by Tom Antion, a great speaker and internet-marketing guru, on one of Tom’s special teleclasses. Lynn was talking about creating the Wow Factor, or how anyone can be a powerful, captivating presence on stage and off stage. She teaches a 2-day workshop called "Achieving the WOW Factor" which is coming up on Sept. 9 & 10, in Marina del Ray, CA.

As I listened to Lynn, two things happened to me.

One, I was floored by how much her teaching matches my own. Three of her four main points mirrored perfectly the three Power Tools I offer on my “Engage Your Audience” CD and in all the Unconditional Confidence programs. Her envisioning process felt identical to my "Focus on the Fabulous" process.

And her passion and love for this work, well, it so reminded me of me!

Now, I’m not saying I’m being plagiarized. Heavens no! I just think that both Lynn and I approach this work of being and expressing all of who we are from the same perspective. We’re not teaching people techniques and gestures and gimmicks and tricks. Both of us want to offer people the real thing. Real, bone-deep confidence, authentic connection with others, celebration of what is, and the unlimited joy and aliveness that comes when one is fully, authentically self-expressed, on stage and off.

The second thing that struck me while listening to Lynn was how much I needed to hear what she had to say.

I needed to hear what I already knew. I needed to hear it from someone besides me. There was something so uplifting and revitalizing about hearing her talk about what I know to be true. Especially when she spoke about it so well.

I needed to feel her passion so I could feel my own, because lately, it’s been hard to feel it. Doubt and discouragement have been chewing at my throat and whipping me around like a rag doll.

But listening to Lynn speak with such passion and energy, to have her remind me of what I know and love, was such a blessing. I can’t thank her enough.

Listen, you should check out her website. She’s got some amazing freebies in addition to this great workshop she has coming up on September 9 & 10. If I hadn’t already spent my entire education budget for the year, I would be there myself just so I could get a huge hit of her energy.

Lynn only allows 20 people in these workshops so that every person gets a lot of stage time and tons of personal attention. It's so obvious that she is dedicated to making sure her students get what they came for!


P.S. If you’re not on Tom Antion’s mailing list, you might want to check it out. He is quickly becoming one of my favorite interviewers, and he is one of the most entertaining, take-me-as-I-am kind of speakers I’ve ever had the pleasure of hearing. And he's also very generous to his guests.

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 09:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

My friend and coach extraordinaire Eva Gregory co-hosts an internet radio show called "The Thrive Factor" on Voice America. Eva and her co-host Dory Willer have some absolutely fabulous guests on this show, AND you can call in and ask questions! Very fun.

But the real reason I am telling you all this is because back in January, Eva and Dory interviewed Lee Glickstein of Speaking Circles International, and this past weekend, I finally listened to the archive of that interview and I recommend it highly!

To find the archive is a little tricky. Just go to the Voice America site, then click on the link that says "Content Library." The link to "The Thrive Factor" is under the first heading, which is "Advertising/Marketing/Public Relations." Click on that link, and at the bottom of the page is a list of the archives. Lee's interview was on January 19, 2006.

I'm sorry I can't give you a direct link to the interview. Voice America uses frames for their site so a direct link doesn't show up. Just keep going until you find it!

As many of you know, I trained with Lee back in 2001, and I just love the essence of what he teaches. He really is the master of what he calls, Relational Presence, which is the ability to just be with your audience, one person at a time, in a receptive, effortless state of being. Check out how Lee describes Relational Presence by following this link to the Speaking Circles website.

But don't forget to check out the interview, and then mark your calendars for "The Thrive Factor" on Thursday mornings, 9:00 am Pacific.

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 09:32 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)