The time is getting close.

Any minute now, someone will introduce you. You will make your way to the front of the room and speak to a group of people who are anticipating your every word. As you wait for your time to come, your hands start to sweat. Your stomach churns. Your heart pounds fast and hard.

Hey, it’s okay! It’s just your nervous system doing its thing.

I know. You hate those physical sensations of nervousness. You want nothing more than to make them all go away. It’s what you dread the most whenever you speak or perform in public. Those pesky, physical manifestations of nervous energy. If only you could get rid of them.

Listen, the problem is not that your heart is pounding or your stomach is clenching or your knees are knocking. The problem is that you think these physical expressions of energy are a problem. They’re not the problem. They are just energy moving.

The problem is that you resist these sensations of energy. You contract around them, wanting them to go away and leave you alone. You think to yourself, “Oh, no! I don’t want to feel THIS! This feels out of control. I hate it that my heart is pounding. What if everyone sees my whole face trembling? Am I blushing? I’m sure I must be beet red by now…” and on and on.

Now you are not only feeling nervous about your presentation but you’re frightened by what you are feeling inside your own skin.

If only you could have a shot of whiskey, you’re sure you’d feel better. But there is no whiskey and it’s only 9:30 in the morning, so you try breathing deeply in an effort to calm and control these sensations, but this only makes you more nervous and tense. In trying to control these physical symptoms, you’ve only made them more aggressive and persistant.

What to do? How can you allow these sensations to assist you rather than make you feel crazy and out of control?

The first thing is to realize that it’s just energy. It’s just sensation.

Oh, sure, you can call it “nervousness” or “anxiety” or “terror” even, but actually, it’s just energy moving in your body in such a way that you feel physical sensation. Can you let yourself be with these sensations without making them bad or unwanted?

It’s okay that your heart is beating. Hearts do that, hopefully. Let your stomach turn somersaults. It’s not terminal. It’s just energy moving through. Let it move through!

Let’s walk through the following four steps to allowing these physical waves of energy to assist you rather than freak you out.

Continue reading "When You're Feeling Nervous
Let It Move!" »

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 12:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (1) | TrackBacks (0)

Argh!

Ever since I admitted to the WORLD that I was in the process of writing a book, I've had Page Fright.

That's right, not Stage Fright, but Page Fright.

This is when you appear before that blank page and freeze up. There it is, that new Word document, staring you in the face, asking you to perform, to do something brilliant and entertaining and witty and utterly fabulous. And all you can do is stare back, dumbstruck and paralyzed.

It was going so well! Then, as soon as I wanted to post some of my writing on this blog for all the world to see, I started editing what I had to make it presentable. I mean, what I had was so rough, it needed editing.

But in that transition from free writing to "make presentable," I got Page Fright.

The analogy fits.

Page Fright, Stage Fright, it's all the same thing, isn't it?

Isn't this where we get tripped up when we're about to go on stage and give a presentation or sing a song? Our initial inspiration and joy for our subject, for getting to share what we love, gets squashed by the fear that whatever we present won't be acceptable, "presentable," or even understandable by our audience.

This is the trick. How can I, we, stay connected to our original "Yes!" or initial joy and inspiration as we take what we know to the stage OR to the page?

Well, the first chapter for my book tells you how to do just that. Well, perhaps I should go back and read it so I can start using what I already know!

But until then, I want to share what I just read on Graham English's blog about writing. It was so helpful to me in my time of Page Fright.

Johnny Mercer, the songwriter, said he used to write for the waste basket. When I first heard this, it blew my mind. After hearing a 3 minute song that seems so perfect, many people get the impression that it was written the way they heard it — in a short flash of inspiration. And even though we know better, we can be overly critical of work too soon in the process.

Graham goes on with some great pointers for powerful writing. Thanks, Graham!

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 07:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)

Are you a high-trait or a low-trait?

CBS News reports on a new study done by Paul L. Witt, Ph.D., of Texas Christian University in Fort Worth, Texas, that states you are probably one or the other.

"What was surprising was the anxiety pattern. People with low-trait anxiety get nervous before speaking but begin to relax once they get started. People with high-trait anxiety, however, are anxious when they start speaking and get more anxious as they go on."

Witt calls the high-trait folks "Sensitizers" and the low-trait folks "Habituaters."

But what I find affirming is that this study shows that it all comes down to focus. The high-traiters are people who focus on the unpleasant sensations or negative thoughts they are experiencing while the low-traiters have the ability to focus in a way that makes them more comfortable and at ease within the public speaking context.

While I appreciated this study, I think Dr. Witt's suggestions on how to deal with the anxiety are pretty lame. He's right when he suggests that "it's a matter of gaining confidence by learning a simple set of skills." It's just that the skills he suggests don't really work.

 

Tags: anxiety, public speaking, nervousness, fear of public speaking

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 11:54 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (1)

This blog is teaching me more about fearless self-expresson than I thought it would.

I recently posted an extensive entry on MY RESPONSE to a newsletter I received from Lee Glickstein, a man I respect greatly, who is the founder and spark of Speaking Circles International.

I received some great comments on the entry arguing with me, which I loved, but I could also FEEL how hard it is to put one's thoughts and feelings out there and have people just not like them. Especially people you respect and like!

Lee felt I had misquoted him. I noticed the fear rise up in me. Had I misquoted him? Had I really messed up? I went over my words and his words in a slight panic.

It's no wonder we all keep our thoughts and ideas to ourselves.
It's no wonder that so many of us are afraid to even open our mouths and speak to ANYONE much less to a group of people.

It really is hard to stand up and stand out and speak one's heart and mind.
People don't like it sometimes.
People will argue with you.
People may not like you, even though you really like them.

Yep, that's all true. I'm really feeling that right now. And I'll be honest with you. It doesn't feel that good. It rubs up against that old need to be liked even if that means I have to shrink and shut up.

This fear of being rejected and thought ill of is at the core of people's fear and anxiety of speaking in public. It runs deep. It keeps us small and scared. It constricts us in ways we aren't even aware of until the pain becomes unbearable.

Maybe this is why I admire Dennis Rodman so much. He just doesn't give a fig for what you may think of anything he does or says.

As another one of my teachers once said (by the way, Lee was one of my primary teachers in my quest to liberate people from the fear of full-out self-expression), "You can't give a rip what anyone else thinks." I wrote an article about this a while back. I'll post it again.

To be honest with you, this experience has only encouraged me to speak out more.
As I feel this knee-jerk reaction of fear and "oh, no! They don't like me!" rise up, I recognize it for what it is. A habit. An old way of thinking that has never served me or anyone else. And I have to smile and sing softly, "You're not the boss of me now. You're not the boss of me."

Listen. The people who like you will like you. But even those people may not like everything you say or do. Can that be all right with you?

And there will be people who don't like you no matter what you say or do.
That has to be all right with you, too. That is, if you want the joy and freedom of be free and fully self-expressed.

Posted by Nancy Tierney at 04:08 PM | Permalink | Comments (3) | TrackBacks (0)